Dealing With Disappointment

This may not be as positive a blog as the name of my site should be.

I checked my emails today to see one that said that the Weymouth pastors have decided they want someone more local and who can do evenings and weekends. Interestingly enough I didn't say I couldn't do evenings and weekends but that I would need someone to put me up. I feel a bit let down as I really did feel that this was something I wanted to be doing and have had some great confirming words from people. Maybe I got my hopes up, or maybe it is of God.
It is again taking it back to knowing what is of God and then does not come to pass because of people not being there or when it is not of God. How does one know?

I think I feel let down because all this planning and organising is what I would love to be doing wherever and yet it does not seem to be.
I was rereading a prophecy from John Dawson from back in Oct 2004, which I am sure I mentioned about having these keys for so much but also in it is says about how people will see me as little and lowly and of no account, which is what it feels like.
Again when does when know when to push oneself forward and when to wait on God, or is it that I will be seen as lowly but He will then show me the doors I have these keys for.

I have been reading Gerard Hughes book on "God in All Things" and one of the exercises was to see what your greatest desire was and he explored the idea that pride was not actually a wrong thing. That the guy who started the Jesuits had a pride attitude in that he wanted to be better than the Celtic saints. There are pride things that do push us onwards, but sometimes these pride things are what get us hurt too.
I think my desire is to be up there organising prayer rooms, talks and discussions, seeing churches joined and united in their heart for prayer and stepping out and helping to deal with issues of injustice and get the world to take notice. Though most of the time i am not quite able to quantify what I mean. But it seems like wherever it just doesn't seem to happen.

I was out walking a friend's dog just now and I couldn't quite see the path but when I looked onward I could see the next bit of the path and sort of guessed where I was meant to be walking. All the way on the walk it was like that. I could see my destination, could see some of the path but it was never quite where I was sure at the time where I was walking.
In fact back when Ben, Tabi and I were doing Ywam we had to do some prophetic getting rid of stuff and we'd decided to walk to the top of this hill, again along the way we kept feeling like we'd lost our way but then we would find something that showed we were on the right path like a bench or litter bin or coloured arrow.

So how do I deal with disappointment. Well firstly I rant a bit at God, take it to Him and wonder what is going on and what I miss, go for a long walk and know that this will give me time to talk with Him, and come back and wonder.....
So for now I am at the wondering stage....But I know the things I must take care of are not to take offense when I am overlooked, not to be hurt and to spent my time preparing, sorting out my lifestyle and being the watchman He called me to be ever ready for when He shows me those doors.

And also maybe writing and bit and sticking to what my blog is called "A Positive Blog". Hopefully I am getting there