Friday 11 November 2011

Need a new view of life

Life is a funny old thing. The apostle Paul says we do the things we don't want to do and don't do the things we want to do. I know he means this in relation to sinning and pleasing God - as in sinning rather than pleasing God and how much more we do the later even though want to do the former.
I've just started university and have discovered how much easier it is to not do what I want. Yes there is the usual of facebooking, emailing or even blogging rather than doing assignments, but these lasts few days have made me realise how much easier it is to not do what you want. To do what you want involved changing the status quo and can upset those nearest to you.
Those nearest to you have got use to how you are, what you can achieve, and what you can do for them. But when you step out to do something you want, as I have been doing in the last year or so, then it messes everyone else up. No longer do I have the emotional energy to deal with everyone else's emotional stuff, or practical stuff. No longer do have the head space to even care that much to their little hassles.
"I'm scared of the dark" was important when I didn't have a history assignment to try to get into my head, or a writing assignment to try to figure out, but now even though it is something I would like to deal with I know I just don't have the head space.
And that is all it is. I no longer have the head space to deal with all the things that are important to the rest of the household and yet they still want me to, and actually I have tried to still be able to do that, which was wrong of me.
I have a choice today -- a series of choices in fact.
1. to let everything carry on as it is and feel angry and disappointed with myself for not being able to carry it all, and to think I'll get some super reward somewhere if I keep going - which won't happen because no one will notice.
2. I could quit and either stay home and be that housewife/mother that everyone expects, wants and needs, but then I would be frustrated.
3. Or I could say how I feel, put in some boundaries, refuse to do some things and hang the consequences.
But even as I write this I can see why we don't do what we want because setting boundaries, changing things, trying to explain how I feel, and sticking to it, is going to be much harder than doing nothing and just being there when everyone else needs supporting.

Yes Paul I can see why we don't do what we want and do do what we don't want.
I truth I want this degree, I want to change the world somehow, I want to be doing something that I can do till I go totally senile. And maybe through this I will be releasing others, but actually who cares whether I do or not. Let's be selfish and do something for me instead!

Friday 12 August 2011

These Riots

As everyone else is doing so I must put down my thoughts about these riots. I think everyone has looked at it from their stand point - especially these comments in the various papers about the causes, each paper giving a different reason depending on their political sociological background but this article here on youtube seems to say it all so much better than I can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61eTtDkNjAc&feature=youtu.be

I started work in the youth service and what I have found is that we so often say "yes you have no hope" whereas this article, but two ex-gangsters who are now Christians who are actually teaching hope. And this is what we so need to do as youth workers. We can say there is a hope, there is a way to change your world, all is not lost. But instead we hand out free condoms so they can have sex without even the responsibility of buying the condoms!

What the young man who first speaks in this news-clip is repeated in a book I've just finished called "The Blood of Lambs" of a PLO terrorist who finds God. And its not that anyone gives either of these people the flat gospel message but in both cases Christians love on them. They give them the unconditional love that they have received from God. With that love these people went on to wanting to know more. And with the PLO guy had an amazing powerful encounter with God which changed him, with the ex London gangster a much more gentle meeting with God that has changed his life.

For me what has come out of this is that we need to be giving our young people more unconditional love but also more hope that they can do something for their worlds. Instead of giving free condoms we should be looking at their gifts and talents, what they can and cannot do, what their dreams are and how we can help them to help themselves make this come to pass.

Faith, Hope and Love - but the greatest of these is Love

Sunday 7 August 2011

Love Wins

There has been lots of controversy over Rob Bell's "Love Wins" book, and some of it quite spiteful. I must say I found it an awesome book and as a friend who borrowed my copy texted me and said "why does it always surprise us that God is gracious and full of love. Great book to read and reminds us that so often upbringing, teaching, etc have caused us to forget that graciousness and love". Sums it all up really so this is going to be a short blog because of Beth's comment :-)
I've also been working through Fawn Parish's compilation called "Deeper Still" and Steve Hawthorne in an article taken from the "Perspectives" curriculum says so often we evangelize to either frighten people into believing in God so they go to heaven or so their lives will be better when in fact we should be bringing people to want to worship God here on this earth. "Now more than ever," Hawthorne says, "believers need to be nurtured into a jealousy for God's glory..." He talks of how Jesus never responded to the "naked need" but "deliberately recast His vision of the same lost crowds as something of greater value..of value to God"
This deals with the whole thought of whether Rob Bell is saying all roads lead to God and heaven or whether he is making evangelism irrelevant but actually saying that our desire, as Christians, should be to totally love God and then share that love so that others come to love and worship Him now on this earth.
As some very old, quite naff pop song of the 70's said "To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him and I do, and I do, and I do". OK so it was supposed to be a love song to a man but actually for us to God its true, if we know God we can do nothing else but love Him and worship Him, but so often as don't truly know Him!

Thursday 28 July 2011

Thomas

It is very interesting that when the disciples are hesitant about going to see Lazarus, who is now dead, it is Thomas who seems to understand more about what is happening with his "if we are to go die with Him then we must go" statement. Why then do we remember Thomas not for this but as "Doubting Thomas"? Is this just a British thing? So often as Brits we remember the negative of what people do and not the positive. We so often raise people up so we can knock them down, though in this case it is John who records this. Maybe to show the other side of Thomas? Maybe to stop him being judge as a doubter? Maybe so that he can be seen as all of us are with many facets to our personalities?
I need to try and remember this that people must not be judged and boxed but that in different situations, in different times of their lives, in different moods, people react differently.
A lot of us parents at the moment are saying how we need to remember what are children were like before they became challenging teenagers and also to look to at they might become. Like Thomas who at one point rallies the disciples, another questions and then goes on to take the gospel into India, a brave step even then, and is supposed to have been crucified there. I do 3hrs a week for a local authority youth service and so want others there to not label the young people as problems but to give them wings so they can fly, but society isn't quite so keen on all that.
Today as I go to work I will try to remember what the Gospel of John tells me about Thomas, and what it tells me about myself and those I know. Don't put people in a negative box!

Tuesday 26 July 2011

Jesus rides into Jerusalem

I was thinking and wondering about how I would've felt on that first "Palm Sunday" with Jesus riding in to Jerusalem and all the crowds cheering. As I got thinking I wondered actually if the ordinary people were excited because here was a man who would maybe not over throw the Romans but might just over throw the controlling religious system the Pharisees had put them under.

Never once in the gospels does it say about Jesus coming head to head with the Roman government. In fact he says one should be paying taxes. But there are many records of Him coming head to head with the religious leaders. The people must have always struggled with the religious laws and of being outsides and here comes a man who flouts the religious laws but for good. He's not antagonistic for the sake of it but to heal, to save life, to feed, to restore and release.

I think Jesus was showing the people how to live in God's freedom under an oppressive government but free from religious oppression. I wonder if this is why people in the parts of the world where one is persecuted for being a believer in Jesus do can hang in there, because they see what He has taught on how to do this.

Often the Church can be accused of being the same as the Pharisees, and then a new freedom with God comes into being but then becomes religious again. But we need to remember when we see this that Jesus did not come and flout the religious rules to be mean, to cause hassle, to be sarcastic, to think He was better, but He came to do good and so must we.

Thursday 21 July 2011

Judas

Its the summer holidays so I have a bit more time to think and blog!

I am reading my way through the Gospel of John at the moment and noticing things about the disciples that seem to be overlooked. Judas has always been seen as an evil man. He has been totally demonised. At the beginning of John chapter 11 we are told about Mary pouring expensive perfume over Jesus, unknowingly anointing Him for burial, and Judas challenging this. John uses this chance to inform us that Judas will go on to betray Jesus and we view his comments about it being a waste, John's comment on Judas taking from the shared purses, and Jesus "the poor will always be with you" statement.

Why did Judas take money from the common purse? What was there for him to spend it on? Why if Jesus knows all things did He pick Judas? And why did He give him the common purse to look after if He knew what he was like?

These guys are wandering around Palestine. What is there to spend money on? Did Judas sneak off for a quick cigarette? A craft drink? Womanizing? Or I wonder if he was giving money away to those he thought needed it but without Jesus' say so, and this is where I wonder if Judas is more like we are than we would care to see. How often do we do good deeds but do not check what Jesus wants? using the excuse that "its obvious"? How many projects, plans, desires, good deeds, missions, etc are not what Jesus wants and yet we do them anyway because we want to be compassionate? I do wonder if Judas was doing lots of good things and the point John wanted to make was that we should not do things, no matter how good, without the authority of Jesus otherwise these things are just us being the amazing humans God made us but not following after Jesus. It is said, in the commentary in my Bible, that Mary was honouring Jesus whilst He was here. I have heard many, who are extremely compassionate get upset when money is spent on churches, church projects, even looking back on the amazing gold and decorations in the medieval churches, and complain that it could've been spent on the poor, on justice missions, on "good deeds". In fact I know I have been guilty of thinking and saying that! But who is to say that those who put into His Church are not like Mary honouring Him whilst there is still time. As one knows in reading about Christians in other parts of the world they cannot even meet together let alone build a simple church without the risk of persecution and death. Perhaps we are meant to glorify His meeting places here?

Judas betrays Jesus, but there have been some thoughts on this that he did it because he could see where he thought things were going and wanted to make it right, want to manipulate Jesus into His kingdom on earth. The musical Jesus Christ Superstar explores this briefly. But again how after has the Holy Spirit started to move and we have enjoyed it but then seen a "better way" for it to be going in and so manipulated things. And then, like Judas, been remorseful and guilt ridden after wards, with some turning their backs on Jesus because of it.

So much of our view of the Bible, of God, of Christianity, has been tainted by what we've been taught, read, hear from others, read in classic and popular literature, with many thoughts from the superstitions of medieval times, that often we just regurgitate, whether believer or not. I believe as Christians we need to open our eyes and start learning straight from Jesus and asking for release from what we think we know. Judas may not be the bad guy we've allowed him to be made but maybe just like us in that situation!

Sunday 24 April 2011

Julius Caesar

It must be in the air at the moment to read books about conquerors. Must say something about where I am/where God has me at the moment!!

This one I haven't yet finished but really the points that struck me as a Christian and again like with Genghis Khan of how we could be pulling together as a Body, are nearer the beginning when Julius is more idealistic and before he gets more into conquering for conquering sake.

Julius sees the vision of how Rome should be, a shared republic with everyone having an say and working to their talents, giving to make the best for Rome. He is frustrated with leaders who can only see as far as their own petty politics and wanting to be the best. As I sit here at home trying to decide where to go on this Easter Sunday, and even whether to go, I wonder how many congregation leaders will be thinking of their own groups, their own services, of wanting their stuff to bring in the most people, be the best, or how many are truly thinking and praying about the rest of their town, city, even county. How many leaders want the whole Body to grow or just their part of it? thinking that what they have is the best, the total?

I've just read a great bit on Gnosticm gathered by Fawn Parish which says that Gnosticm is where we the way into heaven is with a password and we have the password, not others. By that even some of the more lively charismatic congregations, who would never call themselves gnostics because they see that as something somber, aesthetic and introspective, actually are because they see their way as the only way. Check out Deeper Still which can be found by emailing Fawn on fawn@reignbridge.com

Julius's main aim, even as he gets more power hungry, is for the glory of Rome to envelope the whole earth. I just feel that as a follower of Jesus I need to be wanting that more and more. Not for people to "get it right", which often means just doing it the way I see as best, but of really wanting Jesus known every where, and so that those who know Him cannot keep quiet about Him and that includes me

Tuesday 22 March 2011

Genghis Khan

I should've done this ages ago whilst it was still fresh in my mind, but what with college, friends, family, etc, etc, etc I've not done it. But hopefully all I want to say will come out

We have just read a trilogy about Genghis Khan which I felt was a total story of what God wants His people to be like.

Genghis had been thrown out of his tribe by the new leader when he father died but during his time of intense survival got a vision that if he could unite the mongol tribes this would never happen to anyone else. Firstly he started with those who had no tribe, then started to gather the tribes. He discovered that the Chin people were actively encouraging war between the various mongol tribes as they knew if the tribes were fighting each other then China was safe.

How like church this has been over the ages - when someone is under the protect of the leader they are safe but if the leader dies or changes allegiance even that person is no longer safe. In church we can be quite brutal to those who don't fit in and there are many who "wander the plain alone not part of tribe" and are waiting for a leader. Also the devil is making sure the various denominations are always fighting amongst each other, always finding fault. Christians do more harm to each other than the outside world. Interestingly when I was doing my assignment for Religion and Philosophy even though other religions may go against there doctrine of "thou shalt not kill" Christians are the only ones who don't care about killing each other. - Ok so the Sunni and Shea Muslims do but this is much more clearly one side against the other, whereas Christians are ok about just going in for the kill with anyone who is not the same tribe as they are!

Another things was one of Genghis's brothers is threatened by a group of leaders from another tribe as Genghis is getting them all to live together and the beat him badly. But this brother says he knew if he called on the blood of Genghis, in other words said who his brother was they would not have dared to touch him
I wonder how ofter we forget to remind ourselves and our brothers in Christ that we are all related under His headship, and if we did call on The Blood of Jesus we would be safe for a good beating.

We do have someone who will join all the tribes together if only we would turn to him and stop trying to do it our own way. Jesus is the head and yet the parts of the Body seem quite happy to listen to the enemy, run around on their own, stab each other and not realise the damage they could do to the world if only they would unite.

Another thing was no one got left behind. When the warriors moved the families moved too. This worked in a way that meant the men would not go wandering to other women, but also that the children could see what warrior life really was. I think often when adults in the church do things they so often put on a separate even for the children, or behave in away that is different, rather than having the children watching, listening and learning of the battle they have to be in to be a Christian. The children then know the hardships as well as the glorious victories. I often wonder if our young people leave church because the going gets touch in the lives, especially as teenagers, they struggle with their walk with God, and yet all they have seen from the adults around them, sometimes even including their parents is this joyfulness because so many churches believe that we have to be happy clappy all the time.

Hope people are still out there watching and waiting for my blog. I'll facebook it and see if that helps. XX

Friday 28 January 2011

Surprised!!

Well after saying I've got no time I've got half an hour at the moment whilst Ian finishes working before we go away for the weekend for our 4th wedding anniversary, a president we put in when we first got married, that no matter what was going on we'd always go away on the weekend nearest our anniversary just to get some time out. Last year things were so exhausting we just seemed to sleep for most of the time!! Looks like it could be the same this year!! :-)

Anyway I have been pondering, as we have been doing Cultural Studies all about religion and philosophy and then in Lit studies as we've looked at The Life of Pi, and just how little people know about Christianity and yet how little they want to explore the truth of it. Some of the things that have been said about Christianity in our politically correct world we would not be able to say about any of the other religions.
But also people seem to want to explore the other religions, get to the bottom of them, find out what they are really all about, or at least find out the nice bits that suit their western philosophies. But with Christianity I've noticed we keep coming back to the this thing that we are a Christian country, Christianity is a bit dull and boring, judgmental and irrelevant for the modern world we live in! My thoughts on why are that I wonder whether in our countries Psyche we have got so use to "being christian" but all these other religions are new to us, as a country, and so we want to explore them all. Even though there have been Jews and Muslims in this country for centuries they have always been the foreigner but now we are seeing the Britishness in them and so want to know more! Maybe!
Also what has amazed me is how people who seem willing to explore any other thought or idea are so closed as to what they see Christianity. We have some great people on our course and who are teaching us and yet so many of them when it comes to Christianity, not to other religions, seem to think they know it all, do not want to explore and examine it all. A thought for Rick Joyner is that Christianity is the only religion where, if you really do follow Jesus, do not "do it yourself", that Christianity has nothing to do with our efforts but all to do with Jesus' and this is why its an anathema to so many people.
Interesting too, I got called an agnostic by one of our lecturers today because of the fact that I could do decide whether I like the idea of the tiger in Life of Pi being his alter ego or a real story. Very interesting. I wonder too if she has made this decision on some of the questions I ask and points I make, because to me Christianity is all about the journey. We know the final destination, eternity with God, but we want to grow to become more like Jesus on this earth and also to take as many people with us as we can, and who can have life and life in abundance on this earth. Again I have been getting the distinct impression that people see Christians as just marking time till heaven and to be on a journey to discovering God must be agnosticism as their view of Christianity does not meet this.
The more time I spend with people the more amazing they are!!

Oh well off to now get the man away from the computer so we can get away. XX

Monday 24 January 2011

No Time No Clear Thoughts

I am fully gripped with this college course at the moment. A friend asked recently why I hadn't blogged in so long. It is because all my time and energy and thought process is filled up with writing assignments, dealing with home and family, launching my kids into the big wide world and just getting by.
I am loving college but the fact that for Access to HE we have to do 6+ subjects all of which come with assignments there is always just so much buzzing in my head all the time. i write essays in my sleep, pray for my children who are not children any more and their future whilst I'm on the bus.
I totally admire those mums who've been full time workers, or even part time workers, and full time mums. I admire those who can blog and do study. Actually most of all I admire all the young people who go to college and still hold on to God. College is an amazingly hostile place to follow God. Western civilization is not just very humanist but very antagonistic to Christianity in very open ways. Things that are done and said would not be said about other religions, or at least not about certain other religions. I can understand why young people either keep their heads down or lose their faith entirely.
Thankfully my daughter is one of the "keeping her head down" and is surviving. I keep praying for her. I can see though why my son moved away, just slowly.
God is big enough though.
Anyway I've got a place doing History at Bath Spa University for Sept 2011, and I've also got a part time job as an assistant youth worker which will help pay for the coffee habit I've developed since starting college. Oh the conversations are great and I do have an amazing time sharing who God is with people, but with all this blogging will be few and far between.
But that doesn't mean I'm not still thinking.....