I've been pondering church/congregational life after a very poorly attended 24hrs of prayer in our town, and the phrase that came to mind was "you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family" We keep going on about how the church is family, of how we are brothers and sisters in Christ but we often think that should be that we are all friends and all get on with each other.
We have just had a bit of a family filled weekend, seeing Ian's parents and one of his sisters on Sunday and me seeing my Mum and having a bit of a heart to heart with her on Monday, and also of watching how Ben and Tabi react with them too. All these people are my family, whether in-laws or parent or children or spouse. Mustn't forget Ian in this equation!! But all of them react differently to each other and I react differently to each of them, and differently to them when other combinations are about. But they are all family.
I wonder often if we actually say/know we are family in the Church (Big C world wide church) and yet expect to act like friends. I tell my friends things I wouldn't tell my family. I do things differently with my friends than I do with my family. I choose my friends because our interests are similar, our ways of thinking are similar or challenging. I see one friend and we talk about something, another and we talk about something else. Some I see or email on a very regular basis, some I see very occasionaly. But with family its different. With spouse and children I live with them and my life does have to fit in with theirs and visa versa. With the wider family because we life a distance away we made arrangements to see each other but often we have to grit our teeth and deal with certain things, the way Mum refuses to see her son has grown up, the way another parent doesn't want to see there are problems that could be their fault. With some families they see each other every day because they live across the street, with others they live in different countries. Some families have gone through so much that the mention of a parent just causes so much pain because of the abuse that has been done, with another its just a hurt because of misunderstanding and breakdown in relationship.
So as we can see there are happy families, ok families, close families, distant families, families full of hurt and pain, all only held together by blood ties.
As the Family of God we are held together by the blood tie of Jesus and actually sometimes I think we need to accept that this is all that holds us together. Yes in some places there is a close bond within the congregation, with others its bond through a para-church movement, with some its through a distance but a share association, but also with some it is only that blood tie because there has been hurt and abuse and pain, relationship breakdown, expectation, a congregation so large that the quiet ones get lost in it and never get to use their giftings, with others an openness and a way of sharing for all.
I think we need to stop expecting the blood tie of Jesus to make us into one big happy family. Yes this is what He prayed for in John 17:20-21. Actually He prayed that we would be united as Jesus and God are united, but actually I think that also comes by hard work and wanting it not just by expecting it!
Not sure where I'm going to go with this at the moment but I'm going to pray and trust and see what help my Heavenly Father can give me. I wonder too how much we as children try to do the family stuff when I know as Mum that I have to be helping my children. Maybe, just maybe we need to lean on God more and let Him help us to be a close happy family in Him. How does that work when others don't seem to want it or get it? I don't know but I think I'll go for a long walk and pray about it!
Excuse me if I don't join you on the long walk, its raining here but oh how that particular blog post has echoed the ache in my own heart. The one thing that encourages me is that God, the perfect Father, suffers rejection by his children, people just don't get along with him, so me with all my failings is not going to get along happily with everyone else too. I think seeing the church as a family instead of a group of friends is a healthy way to look at it, we are given our family, we don't choose them as you say, and somehow we have to work through issues, or sometimes let them go and let the family work it through somewhere else. I don't know either, there are no easy answers.
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