Tuesday 31 March 2009

Coming Back To The Heart of Church

I went to the fellowship that meets in the school behind our house on Sunday. Really felt God telling me to, which was interesting after a long, interesting day on Saturday spent with an old friend discussing church and some of the issues she was working through.
God is so fantastic He used the time on Sunday to speak to me.

We were singing Matt Redman's "Coming back to the heart of worship" when God gave me these words:
Coming back to the heart of Church
We're sorry Lord for the thing we've made it
But its all about You, All about You Jesus.

And I got into praying and repenting of the thing that we have made church (in fact I love what Stewart Keiller has put on his blog - check it out), a consumerist place, into a slick performance, into something we want, something we need, something we moan and complain about, excuse or lift up. When actually we have forgotten that actually church is all about Jesus. It is all about His people coming together in their ragtaggle way and hanging out together and doing some corporate stuff with each other and for Him.

After that we went on to sing "Amazing Grace" and it was like Him saying that by His Amazing Grace He can bring His church back to how He intended, back to Him, and all that it should be, if we are willing to just love that amazing grace.

Friday 27 March 2009

Prayer

We have just heard from friends who have had a baby at 23 weeks (scary when you think abortion can happen at that late date. But that is for another blog!) and he has been rushed to special intensive care and of course our reaction is to pray!
But what struck me this morning as I was asking God what to pray was how often as Christians we go for reactive prayer. I know this lovely couple are praying even though they wouldn't say they have a relationship with God, and so often those who aren't quite in that close relationship stuff with God often pray from a reactionary place. But why do we do that as Christians.
I was struck by the thought that maybe because these are our friends we should be open to be praying for them all the time, and maybe, just maybe if we had been then we would've known she had an infection and could've spoken to God about healing that then, rather than praying after the event.
I wonder if this is what "humble themselves and pray" means?
I am now asking God if He will help me to bring me to a place where I am constantly in a place where I am open to His guidance on praying and where I bring my friends into His throne room regularly, rather than either when I am about to meet with them or when they have a crisis.

Thursday 26 March 2009

Dance

Last night we all went to see Tabi's showcase drama. We saw 4 drama groups and 2 dance groups, all of which were fantastic and well worth going for.
But what struck me was the dance. Now when I see dance at the church we attend it always makes me go goosebumpy, weepy and just know that God is there sort of feeling. Anyway I was thinking this through last night. The dancing was of a much higher standard, the music was more varied, but you know there wasn't that tingly Holy Spirit feeling. Very much there is a difference when the dancing is God centred!
But still a very wonderful and talent hour or so was spent.

Wednesday 25 March 2009

God Involved in Creation

I had a thought in the car yesterday - Ian was talking about global warming and the worry that daffodils are enjoying the warmer weather and so are coming out earlier but there was a fear that the insects that pollinate them may only come out when there are enough daylight hours, so there was the fear that daffodils would not get pollinated and so would cease to exist.
Now what I thought was - if God can heal people's sight, grow legs, heal hearts, also heal emotional hurts and pains, release us from generational stuff that drags us down when we pray, then why can't we get praying for creation and expect God to start healing that?
I have a great heart for "and then I will heal their land" from Chronicles and other places, and have been involved in praying out curses from the land due to awful things that have happened, but again I wonder if I have missed some of this. I think too of the beginning of that verse which says "if my people will humble themselves and pray....." and I do wonder if with most of the climate change issues we have very much said this is man's fault for the awful way he has treated the planet so we as humans need to putting it right. So we work hard on what we can do, what we should give up, recycle, etc and all of these things I totally believe we should be doing, but do we really pray that God can change the things that are out of sorts because of our own selfish ways?

In fact how much of the bad stuff in this world is due to our selfishness? Most of it really, though we don't like to admit that with disease and deformities, but still.... So maybe we could get praying for God to sort out the mess we have made of this planet? and some of it will be technology, but I think some of it may just be God altering the DNA in certain things so they can survive.
"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray............"

Children and the Word of God

Tabi and I are working our way through 1+2 Kings and I am getting tired of her keep saying "well they left that out in Sunday school" or "have they lied to me again?" In fact the first time I heard that was when she was about 6 and she had bought her first full Bible on a wet holiday we were having in Wales and she just read it from front to back, including Leviticus, etc, and all I kept hearing from the back seat was "they've lied to me" and "Mummy, why did they miss that bit out?"

Now as a home schooler as well as a parent who thinks we should not give our children's education over to others I have come to realise through this rendition of Bible study that I am as guilty as "they" are for missing things out. I could give all sorts of excuses to myself, about how I didn't know any better, how I only did what I could find in the various children's Bibles I came across, and actually I did come across some really good ones with wonderful questions in that sparked off discussion. And we also got some amazing stuff from our Ywam days.

What I think is that we take the verse "....teach it to your children and to their children" to mean tell them the stories from the Bible, tell them the stories of God's people, but as we read them we find that they are of fallen people and are quite immoral in places, have sex and violence in them and just things we don't quite get. In fact in reading "Reading the Bible for all its worth" they explain that most of the stories are not concepts that we are to follow but to show that God is with people no matter what and that He will use people who are willing to go for it, and then maybe teach them something maybe not. So we leave stuff out and we santize the stories and try to find a message in them that maybe wasn't there, that actually was just a "this is what happened" story.

But what we should be showing as well as teaching our children is how to trust God, how to hear from God, how to be bold enough to tell others about Him in a way that suits that child's personality and situation, to be showing them how others live, how to be with the poor and give hope as well as resources to the poor. Basically we should be discipling them in how to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Of how to hear what God has planned for them, how to walk out their destiny when the world, even thier church world, maybe saying something different.
but I think we cheat. We hide behind stories we don't understand, make them safe because then maybe we'll get them and then wonder why often they don't see the amazing adventure of God and want to grab it with both hands and share it with others.

There is much taught on discipling at the moment, but if maybe we started with our own kids first then when they have grown they wouldn't be looking for someone to disicple them!!

Saturday 21 March 2009

Marriage - a Two way thing

I just wanted to share about the great afternoon I've had out with Ian being able to share and chat through some stuff. A lot of the time because I am the life coach, in training, I do lots of life coach type practise stuff on him and he loves it, laps it up and comes back for more. But I think because I have been hurt by sharing stuff with others, and with him at times I keep things very close to my chest, unless I am having a rant, which is a very different thing.

Anyway I was blessed on Friday by being able to be the parent-helper with Tabi's cookery group, which mainly meant I was making up the numbers for insurance reasons, and it gave me about 2 hours all to myself, which I used to life coach myself as I was getting totally overwhelmed with all the things I wanted to do.
A week or two before I had done a talk with a Genesis Trust group about motivation and one of the points I came up with was after writing one's plan share it with someone you trust to help to keep you accountable and to give some feedback.
Well I decided, felt God led, whatever, to share it with Ian. So I took my book with my plan in it and all my thoughts and shared it with him.
It was so good to do. He gave me some insights into what I was saying, decisions he could hear that I had made but that I didn't see as decisions made, and then he came up with some cool ideas about time management, which interestingly now he is going to implement too, and I really do feel like for the time being I know where I am going and what I am doing. I have deadlines in place for the next couple of weeks, and some long term ones for the end of this year, which I have never done before always having been too frightened to plan that far ahead.

So for me, I knew I had married my best friend, but sometimes I don't use him as that. I take on the helpmate role, which I know is mine, but I do not lean on him as I should for things like planning.
I am so glad that between us we could help each other. Thank You God!!

Tuesday 17 March 2009

Undeserved Healing

Did a really daft thing on Sunday night. We had church on Sunday evening instead of morning and the guinea pigs had been out in their run on the front lawn - hey the sun is shining and so everyone gets to go out. They had been brought in but not the run, so very grumpily and martyr-like I moved the run whilst dashing to the car and smacked my head against our very well pruned cherry blossom tree. So hard that I swore loudly and was also bleeding. Ok well weeping type bleeding not pouring. But it really hurt and I felt all dizzy and stuff. But being the martyr I am we went to church. Also because Ben and Tabi were on duty!

Everyone was very sympathetic, as well as laughing at me! I got a cup of very weak, sweet tea, which is enough to stop anyone wanting to feel shock ever again. It is so horrid!!

Just as we were going into the main meeting Ros prayed for me. Nothing major happened at the time. But then I stood up to worship. Now there are lots of things I think you can do at home rather than drag yourself out in the car on a Sunday evening that keep you a bit connected with what is going on - esp with our lot as we have this thing of being able to stream the message live into the computer! All very clever! And I think, yes, you can read books, listen to other sermons, have other Christians round for a meal and discuss what God is doing, pray, loads of that stuff, but the one thing you can't do at home is corporate worship. Now someone did try to tell me you can worship at home which I do know but it is that corporate thing. And we all know that worship isn't just the singing thing, and should be a life style, so really I mean the singing thing.
And to me I love to sing and dance and leap about. I am a dancer, even been told that I have a countenance of worship, and I just love to go for it. So I was a bit tentative when I first stood up.

But hey, God is totally awesome. You know He healed my head just so I could dance about in my own style and fashion, and just really enjoy being there. And I realised that it didn't make any major difference to anything. You know He just did it because He loves me so much.
And to me this adds on to a conversation from last Weds about do we choose God or did He choose us, and maybe I'm being a bit proud but I love the thought that God chose me just because.... Like not for any other reason than because.... And that He healed me Sunday night just because...........
And I know this doesn't answer all the questions of why He doesn't but then maybe that is all just because .... too

Monday 16 March 2009

The need to belong to something!

I have just been through an interesting time and because I am wired this way I do have to ask God what He is trying to teach me and this is what I think it is!

We are all so desperate to be a part of something but we want to keep it on a superficial just in case it isn't as close as we would like it to be, so when anyone rattles that way we want things to be, or says we need to sort something out because it really isn't as it should be, things being brushed under the carpet, incidents where people have got hurt but wont be open about it, we get very defensive because we didn't want to look at that ourselves anyway.

I think we have become such an individual society but have such a craving for community, in fact that word has really become a buzzword with people talking about online communities and all sorts. And most of these communities are pseudo communities because we refuse to go out in trust and openness. Hey do I really want you to know what I really think and feel about things because if I do then maybe you wont want to be my friend any more, you'll reject me from your community and I will be alone again. Maybe it is better for me to keep lots of things to myself even if it hurts because at least you'll be my friend.

Well actually you'll sort of be my friend but you cant be really because you don't really know me and I'll always have to keep that part of me hidden because I know you wont like that. And actually I can tell you that for sure because when I showed that part of myself to someone before they rejected me.

But I am now looking at whether I can really cope with being a part of that sort of group of people or whether I am willing to just be open about who I am, because actually I do have people around who like me the way I am, and learn that I want real and open and honest and go from there.

To me to this sort of fits in a follows on with what Stewart preached on last night - check it out on the Bath City church link on the side here and go to wherever it says to be able to rehear the talks - about the soil in our lives. Stewart doesn't say this but to me if I cannot say what the rocks, hard places, worries, fears ,etc in my life for one how can I get them sorted, and also if I cannot trust this church family I am in are they really family?

I want to go all out for real community but I have realise that this means I have to be the one being real which means I am going to be (I wanted to put in probably there but knew that wasn't going to be true) the one who gets hurt.
Hey but then I have God on my side and I know He wants us to have real, genuine, open trusting relationship with Him and to be practicing that with each other!

Monday 9 March 2009

Community

Again from the week away and people forced into community was interesting. At least we had a bit of structure but still with different styles and different expectations there were hassles!

But also I watched how some of the young people and in fact some of the adults really made a heart connection. And so I looked to see what that was!
What I have observed is that it is people who have a similar interests, thoughts, desires, dreams, insights into life, these people pull together.
We often talk of church family, but often that means a group that come together on a Sunday morning and look at the backs of each others heads, or who go to an organised home group situation, and yes out of that friendships can grow. But I have also seen when one moves away from that organised meetings structure that those friendships do not stand that test of time and distance.
But when you really connect with someone at a heart level then those friendships endure and when you come together it is like you have never been away. I have discovered with those heart connections that there can be day to day life things I know very little about with these friends but very much I could tell you how they think, feel, would act in a certain situation, and whether I can trust them to pray for me and to watch my back and just be there for me.

What struck me about all this is that in true heart touched community we can be brave enough to change the world, but when we just look at wanting to be in community but don't have those heart connections we want to pull people into our world.

So do we want to change the world or do we want to drag people into our world?

Impatience

Again I am still chewing over the week we had away. i think it will take a long time to process. I was rechewing over the whole thing of patience and in fact impatience this morning, believe it or not after watching old Dr Whos.

We went back to 1974, I think, when Tom Baker was Dr Who. What struck us all was the way it was written. We watched 2 hrs, about 5 episodes and still we were on the same story line. The plot unfolded slowly with twists and turns in it but very much more slow paced that the modern ones. There wasn't as much running or shouting either. In fact it was a very intrinsic plot with bluff and double bluff and really it was only into episode 2 that one was starting to get what was going on. In the modern episodes we have a whole story, on the whole, in one 45 min slot, sometimes with it running to 2 at the most, 90 mins in all. I think with the Tom Baker one we are looking at about 180 mins, and we use to have to wait a whole week to find out what happened next, always with it leaving us at a gripping point. So these guys had to write back then with 7 cliff hanger endings! Wow!

We talk about kids having a shorter attention span now which is why we have to do this, but why is this I ask. Have we just made them more impatient?
So how does this fit in with how they relate to God, to working towards something, etc. God doesn't often answer in an instant, nor do things like I was saying with arts, like writing a good novel, getting a degree, esp with distance learning, discipling, planting a community (will explore that more soon), and all those things that cannot be done NOW!
Though I have been amazed to hear how many Christians have not waited till their wedding night to sleep together. Is this another sign of our impatient community? That even though this may be God's best we can't wait. But if we can't wait for something that we could actual deal with with self control and God's help, how often do we miss a great plan He has for us but wanting it NOW rather than being willing to wait.
Look at the great Bible characters who had to wait years and years, and look at what happened to Abraham, and the mess that is still making in the Middle East, by not being willing to wait till God's timing, and here was a guy who had been waiting a very long time so in our modern world we would surely be willing to excuse him! But from his hurrying God he got Ishmael who is the father of the Arab nations and look how they and the Israelite people are destroying each other.

Would the Middle East be different if Abraham had waited? What things in our world will history look back on and say "if only they had waited on God's timing"?

Sunday 8 March 2009

Passionate

It has been a frantic week with very little time to digest things still! But a good week.
Tabi and I went to 2 events at the Bath Literature Festival, one Emmanuel Jai, who use to be a child soldier, was rescued by Emma and given an eduction, who has the most wonderful, gentle faith and a lovely way of sharing it in a very unobtrusive way with a passion to see every child in Sudan, at least to start with, educated. The other was Ben Crystal who has a passion for Shakespeare and wants to stop Shakespeare from disappearing and people being bored with it and only doing it for school exams.
Very different men with a very different message, but both with the most amazing passion for their subject, and both I have been quoting for the rest of this week.

There is something about someone's passion that makes you sit up and take notice, that makes you want to know more about them, about what they are saying. I know there are things in me that I am passionate about, but at times I come over too harsh, or I back off because I am self-confident. If I spoke out with passion I would get people listening.
In fact going back to the week before at the Creative writing, again there was that passion, not just that these people wanted to write but that they wanted other people to be able to share their passion for writing. In fact when I ask both Lee Weatherby and Stephen May when they did this teaching they both looked at me amazed and both said that they loved what they did so much they wanted others to do it.
With Ben Crystal he loves Shakespeare so much that he wants others to share that passion, with Emmanuel Jai it is a passion to see his nation changed and passionatly believes that will be done by education not guns.

Ian and I have had a bit of time to talk round this and really for us both, him with his outdoor stuff it is to do it to give others a passion for it, and for Ian he wants to see their lives changed just a wee bit. For me with the life coaching and other things it really is because I want people to reach their destiny and I am passionate about that.
I have realised too that I struggle with people who are not passionate about things, and I realise that some of what Tabi is experiencing after her week away is that she was with people who were passionate about certain things and she isn't finding that with those around her at the moment. Now that could be because they too are self-conscious about sharing, or are caught up in school and exams and there is no room to be passionate (which to me sounds sad), or that they really do not think it is ok to be passionate about anything, or worst of all are not passionate about things.
Or is that just a passionate person who expects everyone to have a passion about something?

Wednesday 4 March 2009

Slowly with planning

Tabi and I have just been away on a creative writing course. Actually the course was for home ed teenagers but I joined in most of the morning workshops and learned a lot.
But what struck me most of all is that writing a novel takes time. It isn't something you can just sit and do. There are things like working on the character so that you know them like a real person so that even if you don't use any of the history about them you know how they will think, feel and act in a given situation; that you know why they do and say what they do even if the reader doesn't know why, and in fact doesn't need to. And the story needs to have a bit of planning and organizing. Some writers let their stories flow but because they know their characters and the basic idea they are portraying, the problem and the solution, then it does flow and make sense to the reader. We were also told that the first draft, which on the whole you do just go for and not worry too much about grammar or spelling, is really only the start of the project. From there not just the spelling and grammar needs to be sorted but the whole thing needs to be looked at, read through, critiqued and criticized, reworked and made to make sense.
I am also doing a bit of study towards a degree in theology - another story that I will go into more on another day - but from that too I have realised that there is much more to study then just reading the Bible and the notes, much, much more.
And it has got me thinking as to how much do we as Christians expect everything to be instant. We evangelise and expect people to do it, go with it, even those we send out we do with the minimum of time and effort put into them. I feel that there is so much in our churches that we look to for an instant hit, and instant answer and yet to really produce something of worth - which I am sure is what God wants of us with our lives - we have to be like these writers dedicated, willing to give up time and effort, to very much set our faces to the goal of where we are going and not get distracted and go for it. But we don't so often. We go to various meetings, take on various projects and ideas that are thrown out at us, try to run home and family and friends around it, giving all the minimum we can get away and wonder why the world isn't clammering to know the God we claim to know.
There is so much here that I am hoping to explore myself. I have read a book called "So you don't want to go to church anymore?" which actually doesn't advocate not going to church, as its title may suggest, but very much talks about how we cannot use anything to substitute our relationship with God, no matter how good or how expected it is.
More to follow!!!