I have realized when I decide to let God in on stuff just how much I want to talk about Him.
Since starting college life has been a bit up and down, a struggle to put it mildly. I have had a long chat with God after being told I needed more inner healing, after a throwaway remark I made, and not having the time to be able to spare to fit it in. Interesting one of the things I'm stressed with is finding time to do everything and yet here was someone suggesting how to fill more of my time!! Duh!!
Anyway long chat which seemed to help, but one of the things I did ask Him was, silly though it may seem, what book I should do for my book review. We had to do something fictional and I just love reading so it was hard to choose which one to pick. The one I was reading at the time didn't seem right. Anyway I picked a Francine Rivers one, Atonement Child, which is about a Christian girl who gets raped and people's reaction to the whole thing of whether she should abort the baby or not. In my talk I managed to link it in with Mary, the mother of Jesus, and of how maybe she'd had it suggested that she have an abortion, and maybe that was why she went off to stay with Elizabeth until she was too far pregnant. I managed to weave in God being a God of love and grace who we can trust not a God of rules.
But the most interesting thing to come out of this, even before I got to do my talk, is that I have had so many opportunities to talk about God; from my testimony, to explaining about love and grace and so much more.
It is like I was willing to make my self vulnerable in doing this book talk, which actually was only 2-3 minutes with no questions after, and God has just opened doors for my willing heart to just speak out. It is all very exciting.
Also for me it is all much more real than going to do Healing on The Streets or other forms of street evangelism or witnessing. I have always preferred the sitting around chatting to friends and telling my story. And what has amazed me is just how accepting people are of me.
Maybe its because this time together is going to be short but maybe too its because having been challenged on hurts inside me I have opened up my relationship to God again and let Him in to do the healing - not a course or program!!
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Medicines
Another chance for a quick blog before starting back to college on Monday!!
This time I've been thinking about how we in the West view healing and medicines. I have seen how the British health service has taken my father-in-law and step father and treated each of their ailments as individual ailments but never as holistic. And yet as Christians we are happy to send someone to the local hospital after we've prayed for healing for them if nothing happens. But to suggest sending someone to a herbalist, who deals in holistic medicine and how may or may not be a Christian is seen as wrong. We seem to put our trust in the trained professionals whether doctors or preachers. Again I find that if I, in certain places, were to stand up and preach, prophecy, whatever, I would be asked where I got my training from and if I said just from God I could be looked as askance.
I am not saying that we go to untrained herbalists or acupuncturists or other types of alternative healers, but I am also saying that not all doctors are Christians and so maybe we should not put so much trust in them as we do.
Perhaps again we need to go back to trusting God and asking Him what His plan is for our healing!!
This time I've been thinking about how we in the West view healing and medicines. I have seen how the British health service has taken my father-in-law and step father and treated each of their ailments as individual ailments but never as holistic. And yet as Christians we are happy to send someone to the local hospital after we've prayed for healing for them if nothing happens. But to suggest sending someone to a herbalist, who deals in holistic medicine and how may or may not be a Christian is seen as wrong. We seem to put our trust in the trained professionals whether doctors or preachers. Again I find that if I, in certain places, were to stand up and preach, prophecy, whatever, I would be asked where I got my training from and if I said just from God I could be looked as askance.
I am not saying that we go to untrained herbalists or acupuncturists or other types of alternative healers, but I am also saying that not all doctors are Christians and so maybe we should not put so much trust in them as we do.
Perhaps again we need to go back to trusting God and asking Him what His plan is for our healing!!
Friday, 29 October 2010
Best Laid Plans.....
I was planning to blog every day because of it being half term but there has been family and friends to catch up with and assignments to get sorted and God on the move.
There seemed to be a plan at one point at to what I was doing but now things have shifted. I think I am being led down a path I'm not sure about which will not have the same clout and recognition I had been hoping and then this morning I read in "Reconciliation and Justice as a Way of Life" in an article from John S Holden called "A Witness and a Testimony" (oh this is where college seems to be kicking in - everything is referenced!!) that I am very slowly working through, 'You want for instance to do some great service and to fill some great sphere. but Christ's answer to your longing is to set you down to face the difficulties of a small work in a place where there is little recognition'.
I have had to put together a personal statement in my university application process and have found it very hard. It is very much about honouring oneself which is just so hard anyway. But I had planned to do Social Policy on a number of accounts; it makes going to university at my age worth it as it will be doing something worthwhile, and also I have had this prophecy about how I have the keys for industry, agriculture, the arts, education, government, and so much more that I believed going into something Social Policy related would be the way God would fulfill that.
Well after a trying week trying to do a Sociology assignment and get this personal statement to be on the Social Policy angle I gave it up to God. Oh why didn't I do that in the first place. And then started on a Cultural Studies/History assignment which I was really enjoying.
Well what seems to have come out of it, and from this sentence from this article and other types of confirmation is that it looks like I'll be doing History and Creative Writing. I've always wanted to do Creative Writing but have been put off as it seems so popular at the moment. I just love to write. And also I have always loved History and in fact said not so long back that I wish I'd been encouraged to do History when I was 18.
I have a friend at the moment who is struggling with his life but he says he wont pray about it because God may not give him the answer he wants. I know God isn't obtuse but sometimes if we are willing to say, and mean, 'Jesus, You are Lord of my life' then sometimes He does what we don't expect. Or what I feel in my case, is pushing me where I wanted to go but didn't think it was 'good enough'.
Thank goodness we have a loving Father who's on our side. Shame we don't trust Him more :-)
There seemed to be a plan at one point at to what I was doing but now things have shifted. I think I am being led down a path I'm not sure about which will not have the same clout and recognition I had been hoping and then this morning I read in "Reconciliation and Justice as a Way of Life" in an article from John S Holden called "A Witness and a Testimony" (oh this is where college seems to be kicking in - everything is referenced!!) that I am very slowly working through, 'You want for instance to do some great service and to fill some great sphere. but Christ's answer to your longing is to set you down to face the difficulties of a small work in a place where there is little recognition'.
I have had to put together a personal statement in my university application process and have found it very hard. It is very much about honouring oneself which is just so hard anyway. But I had planned to do Social Policy on a number of accounts; it makes going to university at my age worth it as it will be doing something worthwhile, and also I have had this prophecy about how I have the keys for industry, agriculture, the arts, education, government, and so much more that I believed going into something Social Policy related would be the way God would fulfill that.
Well after a trying week trying to do a Sociology assignment and get this personal statement to be on the Social Policy angle I gave it up to God. Oh why didn't I do that in the first place. And then started on a Cultural Studies/History assignment which I was really enjoying.
Well what seems to have come out of it, and from this sentence from this article and other types of confirmation is that it looks like I'll be doing History and Creative Writing. I've always wanted to do Creative Writing but have been put off as it seems so popular at the moment. I just love to write. And also I have always loved History and in fact said not so long back that I wish I'd been encouraged to do History when I was 18.
I have a friend at the moment who is struggling with his life but he says he wont pray about it because God may not give him the answer he wants. I know God isn't obtuse but sometimes if we are willing to say, and mean, 'Jesus, You are Lord of my life' then sometimes He does what we don't expect. Or what I feel in my case, is pushing me where I wanted to go but didn't think it was 'good enough'.
Thank goodness we have a loving Father who's on our side. Shame we don't trust Him more :-)
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Jesus Christ Superstar
I've been meaning to blog the thought on going to this for about 3 weeks now but the busyness of college and family life is taking its toil, so some of my first impressions will not be there but here goes -
Firstly it was great to see an amazing rock opera done with such skill and style by an amateur dramatic group. And with the director being an acquaintance of ours that made it even more fun.
From what I remember neither Andrew Lloyd Webber or Tim Rice were Christians when they wrote this and I know this director isn't which actually makes it an interesting piece to wonder at why they did it. But to me, in that last week of Jesus' earthly life so often in Church we forget that He was fully human as well as full divine. Here was a real man, with feelings, knowing He was going to His death, a death that He had witness probably hundreds of times and so knew how horrid, how painful it could be, and by this point would know what His human body could endure. He knew what the total humiliation was going to be and I do wonder if He feared He would let everyone down, that His humanness would totally take over.
I'm not sure about others, but for me very much the fact that Jesus could go through all that fully human and still obey God, that He did have fears and concerns, that He did wonder what the whole point to it was, why after all His time on earth there were still beggars, cripples, people who needed healing, people who still didn't recognize who He really was, what was really inside of Him, and yet inspite of all that He was still willing to obey God, still willing to go to the cross and die in the hope that He and His Father had got things sorted, that He was doing the right thing.
Sometimes I get upset that people don't know who I am, that they don't see what is inside of me and because of who they are hear things that I say in a different way to what I mean, and yet God knows and actually I am just to be open and to obey God. And if Jesus truly was fully human, as well as fully divine, if Jesus also felt insecure in His mission, and had real human feelings and yet still obeyed then I know I can do it too.
I wonder why so often though we do not want to see the humanness of Jesus. I wonder if that would mean that if we did then we would know that His live and His obedience to God are obtainable, whereas if we accentuate His divinity over and above His humanity then we can keep telling ourselves that we will never attain to what Jesus did!!!
I do remember someone once teaching that if we could get our heads round the fact that Jesus' divinity in His humanness came from the same Holy Spirit that lives in us then we would be so so different.
Firstly it was great to see an amazing rock opera done with such skill and style by an amateur dramatic group. And with the director being an acquaintance of ours that made it even more fun.
From what I remember neither Andrew Lloyd Webber or Tim Rice were Christians when they wrote this and I know this director isn't which actually makes it an interesting piece to wonder at why they did it. But to me, in that last week of Jesus' earthly life so often in Church we forget that He was fully human as well as full divine. Here was a real man, with feelings, knowing He was going to His death, a death that He had witness probably hundreds of times and so knew how horrid, how painful it could be, and by this point would know what His human body could endure. He knew what the total humiliation was going to be and I do wonder if He feared He would let everyone down, that His humanness would totally take over.
I'm not sure about others, but for me very much the fact that Jesus could go through all that fully human and still obey God, that He did have fears and concerns, that He did wonder what the whole point to it was, why after all His time on earth there were still beggars, cripples, people who needed healing, people who still didn't recognize who He really was, what was really inside of Him, and yet inspite of all that He was still willing to obey God, still willing to go to the cross and die in the hope that He and His Father had got things sorted, that He was doing the right thing.
Sometimes I get upset that people don't know who I am, that they don't see what is inside of me and because of who they are hear things that I say in a different way to what I mean, and yet God knows and actually I am just to be open and to obey God. And if Jesus truly was fully human, as well as fully divine, if Jesus also felt insecure in His mission, and had real human feelings and yet still obeyed then I know I can do it too.
I wonder why so often though we do not want to see the humanness of Jesus. I wonder if that would mean that if we did then we would know that His live and His obedience to God are obtainable, whereas if we accentuate His divinity over and above His humanity then we can keep telling ourselves that we will never attain to what Jesus did!!!
I do remember someone once teaching that if we could get our heads round the fact that Jesus' divinity in His humanness came from the same Holy Spirit that lives in us then we would be so so different.
Sunday, 26 September 2010
College and busy life
I'm afraid I've been very lax in write and reading blogs and emails. I am taking today for a big catch up. I started college 2 weeks ago and I love it but having to be on a bus at 7.55 4 mornings a week and then 9am on the other day, having homework to do, and having taken on a couple of part time jobs, and then there is all the other things like running the home that have kept me busy beforehand. I have often felt for women how have to work full time and how hard it must be for them to effectively run a home, be with their kids, their husband - who I do find is the one I neglect! - and have time to read a book too, and now I totally sympathize with them. Though at times I still feel a light weight when I hear of these women on my course who are running families, doing this course and working loads more than I do but we are not to compare.
It has been great though too in that most mornings I get 40 mins head space. I am using it to read a book by Tommy Tenney on Esther called "Finding Favour with the King". It really is about how we can be lazy Christians; how we find it easy to give thanksgiving to God, esp when He is giving us things, to praise the One who gives us great gifts and to look to the gifts, but of how few of us really want to just worship God for the fact that He is God, including all the bits we don't understand. Are we willing not to give God a list but to find out what He wants and to get close to Him, to really get intimate with Him for intimate's sake?
I have found this time so helpful. Reading a chapter and then letting it sink in as I wait for the bus to complete its journey is really refreshing me. I'm not sleeping well because of so many things inside my head but chewing on these thoughts and wondering how to be intimate with God during a hectic day really does put a different light on things. It is make life easier with my husband, with my slightly wayward son at the moment, with my busy daughter, with my hectic routine, with missing my friends who I don't get the time to see.
I really do want to spend time with Father God just because of who He is not because of what I might get out of Him, and actually deep inside what I am hoping is that through that being with Him it can flow out of me and change the world around me.
Oh I'm not saying I don't lose the plot with everyone at times and find, esp immediate family frustrating, but I do know that I can get back to that place much quicker than beforehand.
Oh loads more I still want to explore. Joanna, Fawn Parish who runs the Reconciliation week I was on has written a great book about Honor called believe it or not "Honour: What Love Looks Like", which I have read and "The Power of Honor" which I haven't read, both of which are on Amazon!
It has been great though too in that most mornings I get 40 mins head space. I am using it to read a book by Tommy Tenney on Esther called "Finding Favour with the King". It really is about how we can be lazy Christians; how we find it easy to give thanksgiving to God, esp when He is giving us things, to praise the One who gives us great gifts and to look to the gifts, but of how few of us really want to just worship God for the fact that He is God, including all the bits we don't understand. Are we willing not to give God a list but to find out what He wants and to get close to Him, to really get intimate with Him for intimate's sake?
I have found this time so helpful. Reading a chapter and then letting it sink in as I wait for the bus to complete its journey is really refreshing me. I'm not sleeping well because of so many things inside my head but chewing on these thoughts and wondering how to be intimate with God during a hectic day really does put a different light on things. It is make life easier with my husband, with my slightly wayward son at the moment, with my busy daughter, with my hectic routine, with missing my friends who I don't get the time to see.
I really do want to spend time with Father God just because of who He is not because of what I might get out of Him, and actually deep inside what I am hoping is that through that being with Him it can flow out of me and change the world around me.
Oh I'm not saying I don't lose the plot with everyone at times and find, esp immediate family frustrating, but I do know that I can get back to that place much quicker than beforehand.
Oh loads more I still want to explore. Joanna, Fawn Parish who runs the Reconciliation week I was on has written a great book about Honor called believe it or not "Honour: What Love Looks Like", which I have read and "The Power of Honor" which I haven't read, both of which are on Amazon!
Monday, 13 September 2010
FatherHeart
First I want to say that a lot of the reason I keep going with this is the great comments I get from people. So thank you to you all for your comments, on the blog, in emails to me and on Facebook. Thank you!
Well it was an awesome week. It was a great time to catch up with people who I had not seen in over 6 years and to find that there was still that heart connection, and to meet up with new people and establish something there too. It was like coming home, like finding family, finding my tribe. I seem to have a tribe scattered world wide and someone did pray that I would find some of my tribe nearer to home too. And knowing God answers prayer I will wait and see.
It was great to be with some "big people" in the world of reconciliation and to hear them say that they are still learning, wanting input and that even though some of them are known names we are all important. We sat in a circle and though Brian and Rhianon were the main people to share their stories there was room for everyone to input, my stories being as valid as theirs, and lots of room to ask questions, to explore and tease out things, and to realise that for some things this side of heaven we really do not know the answers and we do not want to put God into a box, no matter how big!!
I've got loads I want to share but am going to start with things I learned from Rhianon Lloyd, which I know will expand as I have time to unpack all this, explore it, reread my notes and to pray.
Rhianon is involved in trauma counseling and reconciliation in Africa and really God put together what she does as she was doing it when she went to Rwanda 12 weeks after the genocide. And we need to realise that we should not go in with a set program but to let God lead and direct and be willing for Him to take and use us and go from there. Yes Rhianon had some training which was why she was asked over in the first place but she is a humble lady, and again this shows what the word humble means - someone who has total confidence in God and that He will take the lead, and a willingness to trust that leading.
It appears in so many things that we so often start the story of the Gospel, the good news of Jesus, in the middle. Rhianon goes into these stricken countries and meets with those who many not even know Jesus yet and talks to them about what they see as the perfect Father and they spend some time exploring this. Then she is able to tell them actually God is the Father they have been looking for and that He can be trusted with all their hurts and pains, which as you can imagine after a genocide are more than many of us could even imagine. Though actually God was talking to me and telling me just how real He sees my pain just as much as He sees that of the genocide victims.
Once one knows one can trust God the Father then the Cross can be introduced as the safe place to put all one's hurts, pains, sins, sinned againsts, and place it all at the Cross and accept God's forgiveness through Jesus. I feel that very often we say God is Father and that Jesus died so we can be forgiven but actually we do not help people to see that this Father is one who can be trust and who wont use what they say against them. And how a lot of the time we come to Jesus with hurts and get told He will forgive our sins.
Very much even in those who are victims of genocide they have sinned too by the attitude they have taken to their oppressor. They, understandably, want to see vengeance, our human form of justice happen. And Rhianon takes them through this journey of putting them accepting God's forgiveness through Jesus for their attitudes, and many repent for what they did not do, and getting them to a place where they truly want those who brutally murdered their families to have that same freedom and forgiveness as they have received through Jesus. How many of us want that from those who've hurt us? Hutu and Tutsi are together repenting and forgiving and blessing and honouring.
Now that is something I want to explore next time - the whole concept of honouring!
Well it was an awesome week. It was a great time to catch up with people who I had not seen in over 6 years and to find that there was still that heart connection, and to meet up with new people and establish something there too. It was like coming home, like finding family, finding my tribe. I seem to have a tribe scattered world wide and someone did pray that I would find some of my tribe nearer to home too. And knowing God answers prayer I will wait and see.
It was great to be with some "big people" in the world of reconciliation and to hear them say that they are still learning, wanting input and that even though some of them are known names we are all important. We sat in a circle and though Brian and Rhianon were the main people to share their stories there was room for everyone to input, my stories being as valid as theirs, and lots of room to ask questions, to explore and tease out things, and to realise that for some things this side of heaven we really do not know the answers and we do not want to put God into a box, no matter how big!!
I've got loads I want to share but am going to start with things I learned from Rhianon Lloyd, which I know will expand as I have time to unpack all this, explore it, reread my notes and to pray.
Rhianon is involved in trauma counseling and reconciliation in Africa and really God put together what she does as she was doing it when she went to Rwanda 12 weeks after the genocide. And we need to realise that we should not go in with a set program but to let God lead and direct and be willing for Him to take and use us and go from there. Yes Rhianon had some training which was why she was asked over in the first place but she is a humble lady, and again this shows what the word humble means - someone who has total confidence in God and that He will take the lead, and a willingness to trust that leading.
It appears in so many things that we so often start the story of the Gospel, the good news of Jesus, in the middle. Rhianon goes into these stricken countries and meets with those who many not even know Jesus yet and talks to them about what they see as the perfect Father and they spend some time exploring this. Then she is able to tell them actually God is the Father they have been looking for and that He can be trusted with all their hurts and pains, which as you can imagine after a genocide are more than many of us could even imagine. Though actually God was talking to me and telling me just how real He sees my pain just as much as He sees that of the genocide victims.
Once one knows one can trust God the Father then the Cross can be introduced as the safe place to put all one's hurts, pains, sins, sinned againsts, and place it all at the Cross and accept God's forgiveness through Jesus. I feel that very often we say God is Father and that Jesus died so we can be forgiven but actually we do not help people to see that this Father is one who can be trust and who wont use what they say against them. And how a lot of the time we come to Jesus with hurts and get told He will forgive our sins.
Very much even in those who are victims of genocide they have sinned too by the attitude they have taken to their oppressor. They, understandably, want to see vengeance, our human form of justice happen. And Rhianon takes them through this journey of putting them accepting God's forgiveness through Jesus for their attitudes, and many repent for what they did not do, and getting them to a place where they truly want those who brutally murdered their families to have that same freedom and forgiveness as they have received through Jesus. How many of us want that from those who've hurt us? Hutu and Tutsi are together repenting and forgiving and blessing and honouring.
Now that is something I want to explore next time - the whole concept of honouring!
Monday, 6 September 2010
Healing
I'm off for a week conference, though will be a sort of retreat too before the busyness of work and college, from today till Friday. I leave in half an hour and am all ready packed and sorted. Hopefully I will get time to put some of the highlights in when I get back!
Here is a thought before I go - I have been reading my way through the gospels and it amazes me how many times when Jesus heals someone he tells them not to tell anyone and yet when there are healing services in churches we are always told to bring our friends and to tell everyone about what goes on. I wonder why this is.
To me we seem to use healings as a sort of testimony that Jesus/God has power and can heal and this is the big thing. Whereas Jesus said the greatest commandments, which is meaning the main things we are to do, is to love God with everything we have and love others as ourselves.
I wonder if at times we like miracles because then we don't have to do the lifestyle? This is why I love the reconciliation group that I will be with for the next 5 days because it is all about lifestyle, loving the unlovable, which is usually the person that winds us up the most, but also many others, of building bridges and seeing God's glory come in healing hearts as well as limbs and for lifestyles of those who are being reached out to and those doing the reaching.
Again for me I see so many things that are not something that can be quantifiable as a leg growing or sight being restored but that actually goes a lot deeper and empowers people, produces a love and acceptance so that all can reach their God given potential.
I am not saying physical healings are wrong because they must be right because Jesus did them but I am saying that they are like the icing on the cake and really we are to love God and love others and our lifestyle must reflect this.
Here is a thought before I go - I have been reading my way through the gospels and it amazes me how many times when Jesus heals someone he tells them not to tell anyone and yet when there are healing services in churches we are always told to bring our friends and to tell everyone about what goes on. I wonder why this is.
To me we seem to use healings as a sort of testimony that Jesus/God has power and can heal and this is the big thing. Whereas Jesus said the greatest commandments, which is meaning the main things we are to do, is to love God with everything we have and love others as ourselves.
I wonder if at times we like miracles because then we don't have to do the lifestyle? This is why I love the reconciliation group that I will be with for the next 5 days because it is all about lifestyle, loving the unlovable, which is usually the person that winds us up the most, but also many others, of building bridges and seeing God's glory come in healing hearts as well as limbs and for lifestyles of those who are being reached out to and those doing the reaching.
Again for me I see so many things that are not something that can be quantifiable as a leg growing or sight being restored but that actually goes a lot deeper and empowers people, produces a love and acceptance so that all can reach their God given potential.
I am not saying physical healings are wrong because they must be right because Jesus did them but I am saying that they are like the icing on the cake and really we are to love God and love others and our lifestyle must reflect this.
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