Wednesday 30 September 2009

A Week is a Long Time...........

I know the phrase is "a week is a long time in politics" but for me this week has been a long week in a family!
We have dealt with one pushing for independence then once granted not really wanting to fly in it. And now much more connected to others, driving towards the expected goal. The other going through relationship hassles and getting all angsty and now it looks like it is all over he is really happy, though still with major money hassles and no job, but not much more positive and motivated. Interesting how a loving relationship seemed to consume and drain him. And the big one having gone through his own middle age teenage angst and come through it.
Me I feel like I have been taken through it and back again, not trusted God as much as I ought to have done - hence not much blogging as it is hard to do a Positive blog when you don't feel positive, but now I am back again feeling more trusting that God actually did have it all sorted, that the hassles in the grand scheme of things are only small. And being reminded of a picture I had years and years ago of hanging on to God by my finger tips. Sometimes its like that but that is because in whatever sphere of life we are in sometimes a week can be a long time!

Am off to 24/7 Prayer conference in Amsterdam for this weekend - Thurs to Sun - feeling a bit of a fraud about going as we really want to do a prayer space in this town but nothing is opening as yet. Really going to hope to have some cool teaching, connect with some people, and just see...
Again it is back to trusting that this is what God wanted for us so He who is faithful will do it - a quote from 1 Thessalonians 5 somewhere
Hopefully will be blogging on things from the conference next week.

Friday 25 September 2009

Paraplegic man

I have been doing some meditating and putting myself into the story of the paralyzed man who's friends lower him through the roof to see Jesus. What has got stuck in my head is the part where Jesus says "Your sins are forgiven". This is the only time, I think, He ever forgives sins before a healing. In fact there is the story later on of the blind man and when the disciples ask if it was the man or his parents who had sinned Jesus said "Neither".
I wonder what sins this man had committed that were connected with not being able to walk? I know there are preachers/healers who can do lots of damage to someone by giving blanket statements of what infirmities are caused by what sins, of which I am sure there is some truth in it. Even those who do not believe in God the way Christians do know that people need to forgive others or they will have certain sicknesses to deal with.
But I also wonder how the man felt with it publicly being acknowledged that he couldn't walk because of some sin he had committed. I wonder too what it was that he couldn't walk. Where these friends from childhood who had stood by him when he became infirm? Had he always been like it and it was a generational sin?
His friend were amazing people to stand by him too. I knew of a guy who, interestingly had been messing with a shotgun and shot his brother's eye out and then later on had a diving accident and was paralyzed from the neck downwards. But he was the rudest, demanding person I knew and was running his family ragged and his friends had all stopped coming round because all this guy did was moan about how he couldn't do things. Interestingly it was the same paralysis as Joni Erikson Strada!!
But I just feel there was still something in this young man in the Bible story that kept his friends there. I wonder to get healing from all sorts of things do we need to just keep some sort of hope that keeps people being will to take us to Jesus? Or should we be looking for those people who are so bitter and angry with where they are and loving on them to get them to a place where Jesus can heal and forgive them?

Monday 21 September 2009

Protected Only by the Love of Their Families

I've taken this title from Sally Coleman's Eternal Echos blog as it feels very appropriate to carry on the thoughts about family, especially after the week we've had here.
Tabi started at a local college 3 weeks ago and we are going through the transitions of new life, new boundaries and how it all works out. Both her and I handled an situation really badly at the beginning of the week and are learning and growing through it all. Learning new areas of trust, how to show trust and how to behave so you are trusted - on both sides, how to communicate, how to put in safeguards and how to work together for a situation where everyone feels heard and safe.
And it is all about realizing that she is no longer a child, though still not an adult and that the protection of the love of her family, and of course the love for Ben too, who at 18 is also going through his own stuff. But because no matter what mistakes we make these two young people are surrounded by the love of their family - namely myself and growing more so Ian, their stepdad.
After having conversations with various police officers, parents, college tutors, etc I can see how live has changed for our young people. Yes it is great that they do have laws in place to protect them too, but often this then confuses the whole role of family, what the parents feel they can and cannot do. Again it gives the whole rights without responsibilities. And yet, I feel when the protection of the children comes from the love of their families - and in the context Sally uses it is the Jewish families of Jesus' day so it was extended family - there is a chance for the children to develop responsibilities for their future too.
And yes I do think we need things in place for those children who do not have loving caring supportive families, but not so that the parents of those who are cared for feel disempowered.

Thursday 17 September 2009

Family part 2

Also I want to explore some more about how we don't fully understand what Paul means by family because we didn't live family lives like this

So Simon was wiling to live with his wife, his mother-in-law and his younger brother and support them all and teach his brother the family trade. There is something in this interconnectedness of family that we really do not get now at all, which is why I think that when various congregations talk about the church being a family we all sort of get hurt by it.
Back when Paul was teaching on church being family it was this whole interconnected supportiveness of each other just because we were brothers and sisters in Christ, that I believe he meant. But because in natural families we do not do this now and so very rarely do we do this in our congregations. Not from lack of trying but just because life is so much more different. We do not live in the same towns we were born in, we do not follow the same trades as our parents, we do not know even our neighbours at times. But then to try to recreate that in a congregational setting where again people have mostly driven to go, even in small towns they can live over a mile away which to just be sharing lives is hard work.
But I think too it is trying to go into something that we don't know how to because we have not seen it in real life and we do not quite look at the maker's instructions.
I wonder why - and I think it is because it will take time, will mean we will have to give a bit of ourselves and, knowing as a parent there is a lot of giving and sometimes very little return. In fact I'd say that just for living in a family. And the closer we live with people the more it exposes our weaknesses and really we are a bit scared of that.
Perhaps we need to stop refering to the collectivity of Christians as family but find a word, a phrase that works better. Yes I know we are all brothers and sisters in Christ but the collective term Family doesnt seem to work like it use to

Family

I am doing this whole thing of meditating on stories in the Bible - working through Mark's gospel and just becoming one with the stories, as best one can.
I have got stuck in Mark chapter one! It is that whole thing of Jesus calling Simon and Andrew and then He goes to their house after preaching in the synagogue.
Now this is what my translation says that He goes to the house of Simon and Andrew and heals Simon's mother-in-law. Ok great story.
Well these are the thoughts that I have had - if Simon was married why was Andrew living with him? They wouldn't have done the flat sharing that goes on nowadays with brothers but would stay at home until they married, and then often an extra room was built on the house for the married couple of live in, but that would be of the father of the groom's house. So does this mean that Simon and Andrew's parents were dead? That Simon was the older brother supporting his much younger brother? And why was his mother-in-law living there? Did it mean his wife's father was dead and that there was no other family to look after her? and once Jesus heals her it is the mother-in-law who gets on and sorts out a meal. Why hadn't Simon's wife been doing this already? also the mother-in-law must've been really sick because she didn't make it to the synagogue. Was Simon's wife heavily pregnant which is why her mother is taking charge of preparing food? Had Simon's wife died after he had taken in his mother-in-law to look after? And if he was a responsible man who looks after his younger brother and mother-in-law and a probably wife with maybe children, wasn't this then just totally amazing that he left all that to follow Jesus? In fact there must've been so much trust there in the fact that Jesus had called him, someone who was not academic enough to stay on in education and was learning a trade, but who Jesus could see so much in.
We too need to know that Jesus can see in our hearts and that it is Him who calls us. There was nothing these guys did to follow Jesus apart from obey Him when He said come.
Jesus says Come, am I willing to give up everything?

Oh and also I want to explore some more about how we don't fully understand what Paul means by family because we didn't live family lives like this - wait for part 2

Tuesday 15 September 2009

Doing two things at once!!

Rule number one - when blogging do not be typing to friend and dealing with teenager just in from college at same time, as well as helping husband plan work schedule

Thank you Joanna for noticing. What I did mean to say was that we need to be secure in God's love for us so that we can give it way, but to always know that we are growing and changing and moving closer and that we will not be secure, totally, this side of heaven. Oh if we waited till we were secure in ourselves then either we would never do anything, or we'd be so cock-sure about things that we'd be horrendous to others.
It is all about loving, giving out, getting closer to God. Jesus said about being like streams of living water, which means they are always flowing.

I will try to remember my brain is getting older and when it maybe use to be able to do more than one thing at a time now it cant! Esp when each one of the other people needed/wanted my full attention. And with my friend because she is on the West coast of America and has a one year old baby we don't often get time to chat.
Thanks again Joanna

Monday 14 September 2009

Love

But in the end it comes back down to Love. We are called to love God with everything we have, and then to love others as we love ourselves. Of which the whole basis revolves round knowing how much God loves us then we are comfortable in that love and then knowing who we are so that when we love others it is from a basis of not needing their love because we know we are made the way God planned, even if its different from someone else, and even if we still have to tidy up a bit round the edges. But this we know that because God loves us so much and so totally unconditionally He will help us with this. So when we go to other people we do not need them to give us anything. But also we do not need to justify who we are.
But I think the only way we can get there is if we study and find out totally who Jesus is and why He came to earth - not letting someone else tell us through sermons and books, etc - and what God is really saying, and the only way we can really do this is to do some really proper Bible study for ourselves both with study aids and with us and the Holy Spirit. Interestingly all of which will take time and effort.
And also as I was reading recently we can only be interdependent, which is where we should be aiming for if we are truly independent and know who we are and what we stand for.
So often we put the cart before the horse and try to love other before we even like ourselves, and we try to love ourselves before we have accepted how much God loves us. Let's try and turn it around - find out how much God loves us, then really get into loving Him, then get secure with ourselves because of that unconditional love and then go and give this all away to others, because then we really would have something to give away

Sunday 13 September 2009

Its all my fault - reflections on parenting!

Back to the things that came from Greenbelt -

Tabi went off to the youth things, hoping to catch up with people and hear some good things on justice issues. Well that was not to be and after going to hopefully do some acting in what she expect to be very powerful, which according to her was not, she gave up.
We finished up though seeing Matt talk about horror stories in the Bible and what we tell our children. If you look at some of the stories we read to our children and what the Bible says they are horrendous, but we sanitize them and make them easy both to read and for a child to listen to.
I wonder if become a Christian after a very pessimistic past and at an older age has made me want my kids not to miss out, or whether at times I am just naive and think if God says it then they can read it. Anyway we did all the Children's Bible story books but when Tabi was about 6 we had a very wet camping holiday in Wales and she spent her money on a version of the Bible that was very much a no holes barred one, but written in simple enough language for her to read. I have also always let my kids read what they feel they are ready to rather than "age appropriate" and have then used it as a chance to talk about various things. But she sat in the back of the car reading this Bible going "they lied to us in Sunday school", "oh they never told us that bit" and so on.
Because of this and because of being homeschooled we have always worked to where they are and what I think they need to hear at the time. And what it has produced is 2 young people who find a lot of what they get fed in church youth groups very tame Interestingly Matt's take on this was that often those leading the youth groups have never really read into the Bible stories, do not like what they see and so ignore it, come from church backgrounds where there are people who don't certain things in the Bible and so skip them out, and so they, these youth leaders, just carry on from where they have been taught. He even gave an example of an intern (he never gave the age) who did not know the story of Deborah.
The trouble is now that actually Ben has got to a point where he wont read his Bible because he wants to conform with his group, whereas Tabi wont join a group but still reads her Bible.

The reason for the title of this blog is that I always said that being a single mum for 10 years and home schooling too that my 2 would only ever have me to blame for things. I have also often been their youth leader or Sunday school teacher too, and Ben did tell me I was the best youth leader he has ever had. Some compliment indeed!
Now I have to just hold my breath and see where they go with what God and I have placed in them!

Do try to check out Matt's talk on his blog which is on the side about films with Biblical themes.

Saturday 12 September 2009

Persepectives

Again off the Greenbelt theme but this seemed too good to leave -

Tabi, my daughter, has started college after being home schooled for the whole of her life.
Lyle, my friend's son, has started college but on a different course after being in regular school the whole of his life.

Tabi's course is 16hrs of lessons plus breaks - Mon from 9-4.30, Tues 9-12.30. Weds and Thurs 9-14.45 - Her comment on Thurs "I'm tired as I am now in full time education!"
Lyle's course is 21hrs of lessons plus breaks - Mon, Thurs and Fri 9-4.30, Tues 9-12.30 and Weds off - His comment "hey this is so much less time at college than when I was at school. and wow all day Weds off!"
Tabi is having trouble trying to have time to eat her lunch as lunch break is only 45 mins.
Lyle is loving now having 45mins to eat his lunch instead of just the 30 he had at school
Tabi finds it interesting that there is only 30 mins break in the morning and then 15 in the afternoon to get between lessons.
Lyle thinks it is amazing to get 30mins break in the morning and then 15 to get between lessons in the afternoon instead of no break between starting school and the 30 mins lunch and having to rush from on class to the next with no time inbetween.

It made me wonder how often we look at life as fair or unfair from our known paradigm rather than from what it really is.
In fact there was a very funny comment on "Mock the Week" a news satire program we watch on bbc iplayer, where they were going on about some hassle in the UK and one of the comedians said "oh yes in Africa they all worry about the UK and how hard life is, that in the UK they only get their wheelie bins emptied once every 2 weeks!" Perspective!

Friday 11 September 2009

Being called by Jesus

This is off the Greenbelt tack, though I will come back to it as I have a couple of other posts I want to write, but have felt a great lack of creativity due to dealing the a teenager! Oh the joys of that. Not sure which one of us is finding it hardest, Ben or I??

I have started on meditation, as in Biblical meditation, and am going to work through the book of Mark and "get involved with the stories", so really that whole thing of reading, becoming a character in the story and then as Richard Foster suggests in "Celebrations of Disciplines" just sitting with Jesus at the end and sharing some thoughts.
Well today was the calling of Simon, Andrew, James and John. I realised as I got into really thinking of what things were like that this was a busy fishing port. It was not just these 4 young men who were there. It would've been crowded; there would've been a market there, lots of people. And yet Jesus only called these 4 young men at this moment to follow Him.
I have heard from someone else (and I think it might to Jonathon!) that there are many that are called but few that are chosen. Along the lines of many people are drawn to Jesus because God's heart is to save the whole world, but there are few that are called to be true close following disciples; few that are willing to leave everything to follow Him 100%.
During the story I felt like I was being challenged to be one of those totally called to be a disciple and to give up everything. Could I really give up my livelihood for something/someone I don't know where it will take me?
I have done this before when I joined Ywam, but it was like this time Jesus was saying was I willing to this with a husband, a safe comfortable home, and during the time when He has set for me to supervise 2 teenagers flying the nest.
I hope I am ready and I hope I do Him proud.

What was it Ezekiel said "Here I am Lord!"?

Tuesday 8 September 2009

Israel/Palestine

Now this one isn't about the Bible but about the stance that was taken to the Israelite "security wall" which has basically cut Bethlehem off from the rest of the world and taken into into premature poverty. Now I know this is wrong and that the UN and all sorts have condemned this. But I also know that the whole Middle East and in particular Israel is an emotive topic.
I have 2 dear friends I would love to introduce and who, until they spoke about Israel would agree on so much and yet would probably never speak to each other again once Israel, present day situation, got a mention.
Now like I say I know its awful situation but in the light of what else is happening in the world there are a lot more things going on that could unite the church rather than divide it.
People have very differing views about how we should look at Israel. Are they still God's chosen? Has The Church replaced Israel as God's chosen? What does it all mean?
I did feel when there were lots of other issues that we could be really putting some effort into - North Korea, many places in Africa, etc this was another controversy!

Monday 7 September 2009

More on the infallibility of the Bible

(Hopefully a discussion will carry on! Look at comments from the last entry!)

I want to carry on this theme - then maybe I could stop writing these blogs in my head in bed when I should be asleep. Oh well better than worrying about the family :)

To me it seems interesting that it is the things we don't understand in the Bible that people seem happy to say may not be of God. The discussion of which I quoted Andy Varley carried on with someone saying what she didn't like and then going on say how we must remember that these books were written by different people in different cultures and we must look at the cultures - which I do agree with - and then we can pick out what is relevant to us to today.
I am all for the looking at the culture in which something was written but I still think we need to say that this is what God was saying/is saying and then go from there. Not this was was then and well we can just dismiss it.

One of the biggies, which did also come up at Greenbelt, was all the killing which goes on in the Old Testament. I've got another post on what we teach our children to follow up on this. But we all know of people who wont read the Old Testament because they cannot see God in this. In fact Ship of Fools, when reading out verses like that that they didn't like were adding "and this is supposed to be the word of God".
I don't know this side of heaven if we will ever understand why God seemed to order total genocide. I know there are loads of theories that have been discussed but really I'm not sure we know.
In fact when we try to work it out we have to remember what God said to Job when he questioned why He was allowing him to suffer.

I am going to stick my neck out though and say that a thought I have had is that Yes God did order this. Well it says so in the Bible so He must've. But in fact it was not that the Israelites were going to be tempted by the people - who apparently if we do look at the histories were seriously depraved - but that actually there was so much sin in the Israelite's hearts that even with the corrupt people groups totally gone still the land could not be clean because of what was in their hearts.
When doing major spiritual warfare we were always told to make sure our hearts were cleaned so that nothing we were warfaring with would have a foothold for us. I think the land was so corrupted by the sin of the previous people and there was a foothold in the Israelite's hearts that things just hooked in.
Then in the New Testament Jesus actually tells the story of the wheat and the tares saying that sometimes we just have to let the good grow with the evil as we can destroy one as much as the other, which to me is saying that with unclean hearts we can do more damage trying to bring out judgment on the world.

Some how we have to let God teach us what He is saying not just say that some of this is really not of God and that a mistake was made when the Bible came together!

Sunday 6 September 2009

The Infallibility of the Bible

I think one of the things I found hardest to bear was to hear speakers questioning the infallibility of the Bible, especially over things like women and homosexuals.

Now I am very much not a quiet woman who sits in the background but do believe what the Bible says about wives submitting to their husbands, and have watched some really impressive woman who I know do so much more when they do it under the covering of their husbands. Hey God put it there for a reason!!

And when it came to what the Bible says about homosexuals then very much it was in the wrong. Now I do not think we should go back to condemning homosexuals and stoning them. Hardly a love and grace thing and one thing Jesus was clear on was that we are to love our neighbour as our selves. (Amazing talk on this by Simon Neal today at Bath City Chuch that I am plugging everywhere. Check out www.bathcitychurch.org.uk and find this Sunday's streaming!)
We are to love and we are to be there and we are to be Jesus to everyone. Hey you cant take that out of the Bible. But I do wonder if we ok same sex relationships, which then means they start living and sleeping together what do we say to our highly charged hetrosexual teens, who very much are committed to each other - at that moment. How can it be ok for same sexes to be sleeping together and not opposite sexes??
Interestingly Carla came up with a good point on this - that we nowadays see sex as a human right, to be had whenever we want, with no restraint, no self control, and if we cannot have it the way we like best when we want it then we are being repressed!!

The Bible has to be the true living word of God, all of it, even the bits we don't like. I've got more to say on the bits we seem to not like later but I will leave this for now, quoting from a discussion forum I follow from Andy Varley:
"I think belief that the bible is the "living word" or God doesn;t come from tangible proff though archeology will confirm some details of bible statements such as location of towns etc. Instead knowing the bible is infallible is about first coming to know God. In simple terms you wouldn;t be lost and unable to encounter God if all the bibles in the whole world were somehow lost and couldn;t be found. So, knowing God then gives you some kind of an idea of His nature, His will, His values and the bible is a good offering of examples of these things. I think at the risk fo sounding contraversial I'd say that the bible could well be challenged in worldly terms and without a relationship with God, truly encountering Him, honestly listening and hearing Him (in which ever way you do) then you'd be at risk of turning it all into an academic exercise about whether the bible is a good read or not. Let's face it, if we do believe in God, the star maker, galaxy shaper, the one who rides the wind etc etc then a bunch of men meeting several hundred years ago to choose which books to include int he modern bible isn;t really going to be much of a challeneg to Him is it??? I think there's more to this than meets the eye. God is an interesting fellow not least because of the way He gets things done."

Ok long quote but says what I want to say and so why waste it!

Thursday 3 September 2009

Quick Greenbelt Review

The best bit for me was the Bubbles. There was a bubble stall selling all sorts of different bubble making things and every time one walked past the bubbles just made everyone smile.
For a first time Greenbelt-er it was just amazing how big it is. We walked miles and miles. I must say there was very little in the way of speakers, etc that really grabbed me, though we did get to see 2 great ones by chance. I found that some of it seems to be challenging for the sole purpose of being challenging. There was a lot about dissing the Bible and head knowledge stuff and very little on relationship with God. There are a few things I will expand on over the next few days when I have more time and headspace. Ben is job hunting so needs the computer and I am on catch up.
How is that there is always so much to do when you have been away
Also very much finding life at home more tiring that life at a festival on a campsite. As Carla says its that simpler life!!